Self-Esteem & Postive Self-Affirmation

Articles > Self-Esteem & Positive Self-Affirmation

It's easy to feel badly about yourself after a relationship ends. You may experience circumstantial depression causing you to lose your appetite, sleep deprivation, even anxiety attacks. It's okay. You'll overcome. You may have known that your relationship was deteriorating but you were in the denial process and when the break up finally happens, it shakes you to the core. Everything that was familiar, mutual friends, shared assets, common rituals...are gone leading you to lose equilibrium and causing you to question your self worth.

You may go to places that you used to go with your ex-partner, only to relive memories, further adding to your loss. Songs on the radio may remind you of that person, you may even think you are seeing him around town, only to discover the person on the street represents qualities you miss or remember. How can you let go? The answer is time. Time does heal when accompanied with self-care and coping mechanisms for moving forward and letting go of the past.

Many women who do the leaving may mourn the loss of relationships when they are in the relationship. The process of leaving becomes a little easier, because they have emotionally detached well in advance. Men who are left by their partners often tend to mourn the loss after the definitive moment the relationship is at an end e.g. they move out and then come to accept that the relationship is over. Many people, looking back at their previous relationship can identify signs of its deterioration - that strange feeling that something was not quite right, frequent fighting, bickering, or passive aggressive comments. In fact, even breakups that surprised you at the moment of discovery, looking back, may have demonstrated signs of relationship erosion - fissures that led to cracks that led to breaks.

It is important to examine your relationship patterns, to be better equipped to handle your next attempt at love. Some people relationship "leap frog"- slipping into a new relationship before the old one is even over. Others try instant gratification sexual relationships to temporarily block feelings of loss and to boost their ego...usually a short lasting antidote to their emotional pain.

When you constantly reaffirm your own sense of self-worth through positive self-validation, you are giving to yourself what you need from others. This is important because without that sense of needing others to validate you, your voice becomes stronger than any other voice you may hear. Wait to search for that "special person" until you feel anchored in yourself. This is done by building yourself up through positive self-affirmation. How is that done? It's easier then you think. Tell yourself that you're beautiful, smart, do well at work. Positive self-affirmations work! Even if you don't believe it at first, try, and then try some more until ultimately you are a believer. You'll see that the confidence and self-esteem you develop will be exhibited for others to see and it acts as a magnet...self-doubt, self-pity, and self-criticism serve as a social repellant. Remember, positive self-affirmations will do you no harm and just may end up being an important tool in your relationship recovery process.

Shoshana Dayan
Vancouver Family Therapist
therapyrenewal.com