Self Care & Healing

Articles > Self Care & Healing

by Shoshana Dayan

Step 1: Take the time that you need to feel your feelings- don't reject them
Self-care is pivotal to healing from loss. It is important to embrace and honor your feelings. If you need to take a few days, weeks or months to talk about your feelings, have a good cry, do it. Relationship endings are painful…almost compared to a death, but coupled with a sense of rejection can lead to all sorts of self-doubt.

Step 2: Nurture yourself by relying on positive coping mechanisms
Engage in self-nurturing. Do whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself feel good (even temporarily). This may involve going for long walks, exercising, taking a bath, rely on whatever positive coping mechanism works for you. It does not mean that you have to stop talking or feeling upset about your loss, but in addition to letting yourself feel emotional pain, nurture the physical (your body).

Step 3: Create a ritual of letting go
Pursue exercises that will help you move forward. This may include going to an old "haunt" you frequented with your partner and creating new experiences. Consider venturing into nature as it is often liberating. Try casting a stone by the water's edge and watch the ripples in the water symbolize separating from the past. Some find it helpful to write a journal about your loss or writing a letter to your former partner about your feelings without actually posting it.

Step 4: Learning from loss
Learn...learn...learn. If you accept relationships are teachers, then learn from them. Explore what you have learned about yourself, who you want to be, and what kind of partner suits you. Create a list of characteristics, qualities, and experiences you believe are most compatible and exciting for you - this should guide what to look for in your next partner.

Step 5: Get out there
The final step in this process is to create new life experiences by getting out and living! If you like the indoors try the theatre, take a class, learn an instrument. How about the outdoors-go for a walk near a busy park, or on the board walk - just being near people may cause you to feel less alone. And of course, you never know who you will meet if you keep yourself busy and active. Even if you don't feel like getting out there, when you know it is time to push yourself out of your comfort zone, you'll know and do it! Chances are you'll meet someone special without even trying.

Shoshana Dayan
Vancouver Family Therapist
therapyrenewal.com