• Dating Decoders
• Dating Self Decoder
• Money Matters
• Fear of Dating
• Overcoming Betrayal
• Self Esteem as an Action
• Putting Yourself First
• Self-esteem & Positive Self-Affirmation
• Self Care and Healing
• Overcoming Grief and Negative Patterns
• Dating Tips by a Family Therapist
• Divorce with Integrity
• Breaking Up is Hard to Do
• How to Wear Color Schemes Effectively
• Supporting Children through Divorce
• How to Handle a Break Up

Putting Yourself First - Without Guilt Attached

by Stacie Cox, LCSW, CADC II, CEC

I cannot stress enough how crucial it is to focus on the most important relationship we have in our lives--the one we have with ourselves. After a breakup, we must go back to a place of honoring the self. During this transition period, it is easy to take more on to our plate as an attempt to fill the void in order to avoid pain. However, this is a time to nurture one's self and to stay self-focused. Without loving one's self unconditionally, one cannot love others fully, without conditions attached.

How do we actively practice self-care? Self-care is different to each of us: honoring thyself is extremely individualized. Some people find massages and other energy healing bodywork to be relaxing and nurturing. Others find that reading a good book, meditating, taking a walk on the beach, or taking a bath filled with favorite aromatherapy liquids with a candlelit ambience, is a way to honor one's self. It is not important what activity you do, but it is imperative that you do something that is all about you. I recommend calling it a 'Date Night' or 'Date Day' in honor of yourself, so that no other appointments seep into that space that you are devoting to yourself. It is all about you! Those people that have challenges with self-care, usually have difficulties with setting and maintaining boundaries with others. These are the 'YES' people. The people who have what I call 'The Disease to Please'. By saying 'NO' to others, you are saying 'YES' to everyone in the long run. By recharging your own batteries, you will have that much more to give to all those around you. By practicing self-care, everyone in every aspect of your life is a winner--most of all, YOU! As we think about self-care, it is important to actively release old negative thought patterns and resentments that build up. If we are filled with negative thoughts, or negative energy, we won't have the ability to bring in positive energy, and there will be a block because there is no space for that positive energy to enter. How can we consider opening ourselves up to any new healthy relationship until we clear out the negative energy? By properly nurturing ourselves, then we can spread positive energy to others and we attract those that have that same energy vibration. Self-care is practiced in a balanced life. It is the core element of a balanced life. It is something that is so simple and yet can be so challenging to put into action every day. Today's two- part challenge is to think of at least one task you can do to honor yourself and no body else, and then to GO DO IT without any guilty feelings attached!

Stacie R. Cox, LCSW, CADC II, CEC
2128 Pico Boulevard
Santa Monica, CA 90405

Tel: (310) 339-6383
www.staciecoxempowerment.com