Dating Tips by a Family Therapist

Articles > Dating Tips by a Family Therapist

by Shoshana Dayan

Here is a list of tips when you start dating again:

Be natural, don't try too hard or try to be what you think the other person wants you to be. Instead, just be yourself, but your best self.

Think of something fun and different to do on a second date, such as bowling, art gallery or a jazz bar and dinner. For a first date keep to the rule of coffee or drinks (that way you don't invest too much of your time and you can see if you want to meet again). Check out your local paper to see “what's on” in the city, so you can suggest some fun activities.
Be on time for your date, or max. no later than 10 minutes- when you first start dating the person you meet is watching everything and evaluating. Put your best foot forward by being on time.

Have fun and keep conversation light. Don't bring up your ex at all- your new date may seem like they want to hear all about it, but trust us, it is best to stay in the moment and keep the past in the past when you begin dating.

Complimenting your date goes a long way. It lets the person know you are interested and attracted. Don't be shy about letting them know what you like about them without being too revealing or letting yourself feel too vulnerable.

It is a good idea to read a lot, learn about current events so that you have interesting things to say and you will have ready-made tidbits of conversation.

If you are not interested:
Make sure to give the subtle clues to your date. If they move in for a goodnight kiss, shake their hand instead, don't make it a late night, say that you are not sure if you are ready to get out there or that you aren't sure if the chemistry is there, or that you are interested in friendship if they ask to take you out again.

Don't let it get you down if you meet someone who is not the right person for you. Keep trying to put yourself out there, because you never know who will be the right fit for you. Try internet dating sites, go to lectures, singles events, meet people through friends, the gym, grocery store…the possibilities are endless.

You may want to spend time with other single friends to reinforce the optimism needed to stay positive while dating without letting it get you down spending time with your married friends with (or without) children.

What Not to Do:

Don’t be too available- Make sure that you are busy, but just available enough to let your partner know you are interested. The more you do in your life, the more interesting you become to the other person- take classes, read and be interesting!


Don't be late for a date.

Don't embellish any stories about your life. Be honest.

Do not say too much about yourself or your past right away. Be mysterious to a certain extent and flirt (with your date, no one else!)

Be careful about drinking too much, remember first impressions matter!

Always be safe. Have your cell phone handy and never bring a date home until you are certain he/she feels safe.

Never go in a car with someone you don't know well.

This may be stating the obvious but don't date anyone who is attached or in the process of leaving someone. Following this rule will certainly save you and others heartache down the road.

If you are looking for a relationship, hold off on sex until you reach a level of comfort and intimacy with your partner. Remember to enjoy time with your partner forging a true connection.

Shoshana Dayan
Vancouver Family Therapist
therapyrenewal.com